Heart Musings

To have an ever-increasing sense that I am being kept by and for God; to patiently "climb up to my watchtower and stand at my guardpost" and "wait to see what the LORD says and how he will answer my complaint" [Habakkuk 2:1]; to not belittle the input and counsel of those around me, but to welcome and even pursue it; to faithfully "serve the purposes of God in [my] own generation" [Acts 13:36]; to live in constant, conscious awareness that I am in the presence of an awesome God "who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy" [Isa. 57:15], which is a place of abundance, soul-satisfying pure delight, and "fullness of joy" [Ps. 17:11]; to pursue what "makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding" [Rom. 14:19]; to be godly with contentment [1 Tim. 6:6]; to "show perfect courtesy toward all people" [Titus 3:2]; to make God known to a world that is starved for true beauty; to have inexorable confidence ...

Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were thrown in a fiery furnace because they refused to worship the gold statute King Nebuchadnezzar built. God did not deliver them from the furnace. But He was with them, literally in the furnace  with them. Trials in life will come. God does not promise a life of comfort. One need only consider how 11 of 12 apostles were martyred to understand the costliness of following Christ. But come what may, God will never leave or forsake us. [Hebrews 13:5]. He is with us, until the end of the age. [Matt. 28:20].

God calls us to be faithful in the here and now. Daniel was a Jew taken captive by the Babylonian king Nebuchadnezzar. God blessed Daniel with wisdom and understanding so that Daniel was "ten times better than all the magicians and enchanters in his whole kingdom." [Daniel 1]. Because of Daniel's God-given ability to interpret the king's dreams, the king ultimately "placed Daniel in a high position and lavished many gifts on him" and "made him ruler over the entire province of Babylon and placed him in charge of all its wise men." [Daniel 2]. Daniel 5:11 states that "Nebuchadnezzar, appointed him chief of the magicians, enchanters, astrologers and diviners." As Chief of the Magi, Daniel was able to teach the Magi what signs to look for to know when Christ would come. More than five hundred years later, the Magi traveled over a thousand miles from the east to Jerusalem, searching for Jesus, saying "Where is the one who has been born k...

Thank you for just being with me and listening to me. You sat and grieved with me in silence. You showed compassion when I wasn't lovely or deserving. Instead of getting annoyed at my rambling and turning me away, you lamented with me. You willingly got into the pit with me, in solidarity, instead of yelling at me to climb out. When you spoke to me, your words built me up, gave grace, and were fitting [Eph. 4:29]. And you were not afraid to admonish me when I went out of line. Your rebukes were timely, your wounds faithful [Prov. 27:6]. Thank you, dear friend.

Just a few things that I am so thankful for: flexibility to choose my classes and professors; rosemary shortbread cookies; Face-Timing my supportive brother over breakfast; solid preaching at church; dedicated, loyal, and pragmatic friends; spicy hot Cheetos; a faithful mother; freedom to worship publicly; opportunities to speak truth into others' lives; an amicable roommate; free law school lunches; podcasts while showering; classmates I actually enjoy being around; Abby the labrador retriever; too many friends and not enough time to spend with them; the sufficiency of Christ; God's love and pursuit of me.

You were a cute stranger I did not know. You were not my friend. But I liked the idea of you. I day-dreamed so much about us dancing in the rain, I ultimately got trench foot

"Jesus was delivered up according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of God, and was crucified and killed by the hands of lawless men." [Acts 2:23]. "[F]or truly in this city there were gathered together against your holy servant Jesus, whom you anointed, both Herod and Pontius Pilate, along with the Gentiles and the peoples of Israel, to do whatever your hand and your plan had predestined to take place." [Acts 4:27-28]. I love how these verses highlight God's sovereignty, and how He will use unwitting, sinful men to accomplish His perfect will. God is never blindsided.

In the past, I let my hurt feelings affect intimacy with my Father. I let the wrongs others committed against me make me bitter towards others and God. Then, I realized the real culprit actually deserving of my hatred and resentment is Satan. Satan tried to use my pain to prevent me from drawing near to God. But God never was the one at fault. How inscrutable are His ways, how unsearchable are His judgments. Now, I know better. I am a child of God. I am a coheir with Christ, chosen in Him from the foundation of the world. Seated with him in the heavenly places. In Him, all the promises of God for me are yes in Christ Jesus. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.

Paul prays that our love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that we may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God [Philippians 1]. I love that Paul doesn't want us to stay the same. He wants us to get better. And he wants our love to be contemporaneous with and informed by wisdom. It's not blind love, it's love that understands and perceives. All for God's glory.

As brothers and sisters in Christ, let us be eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace [Eph. 4:3]. But Christian unity does not come at the expense of the Gospel. Christ prays for the Father to bless his blood-bought people "sanctify them by the truth" - he petitions to the Father in John 17:17. There is NO unity, no sanctification, no hope outside the truth. Similarly, the apostle Paul grounds unity in the truth. So too in 2 John, it is the truth that is binding the faithful children of God, keeping them safe from deceivers who peel off the sheep and divide the body. Let us not compromise the Gospel. Let us defend it, with sincere hearts, at all costs.

I was completely convinced this was God's will. But in reality, I had willingly fooled myself into believing my idol was what God wanted for me. God will not allow another beside Him. I ultimately did not get the idol I thought was in God's will. The passing of time proved the deceit in my heart. Let my will align with Yours, Lord. Help me want what You want. Help me guard my heart, for from it flow the springs of life [Proverbs 4:23]

Far be it from me to think that God needs me. God is never at the mercy of my fickle feelings or foolish pride. He doesn't need me - If I refuse to serve Him, He will just find another servant. If I refuse to praise Him, even the rocks will cry out in praise [Luke 19:40]

Too energetic. Too loud. Too intimidating. Too much. But not enough for you to want me. I was too much, yet not enough. I wanted you to love me. Ended up loving myself less. It took a year to heal from where the shards of my smashed idol had cut me

I went around restless, disturbed, and prowling for satisfaction in other things. I did not go home, even though I had a home. I declared myself homeless, even though You were inviting me to dwell with You. Help me stay where I belong. You keep her in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because she trusts in you. [Isaiah 26:3]

You called me to Yourself. I became a daughter of the Ancient of Days. I was set on discovering the layers of Your character. Peeling You changed my life. I cried, but You keep my tears stored in a bottle [Psalm 56:8]

I blamed my past, parents, people, and predicaments for my sin. When in actuality, I was a tea bag full of sin. The hot water drew out the sin inherent in me.

I hate how you made me an open book. Except that it was fiction. I was no longer true to myself

Father, let the silence of rejection draw me closer to you until Your love and sufficiency become deafening

Let the violence of the waves help me appreciate how solid a foundation I have. Help me to learn to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages [inspired by Spurgeon]

What do I have left to prove? Where do I place my confidence? Career? Love? Wealth? NO. God is my provision, my protection, my promotion