Reflections During My Mom's Cancer Journey
Even though the Lord wanted David to become king, his path to kingship was far from straightforward or easy. Saul pursued David for the longest time, trying to kill him. And David was constantly fleeing from Saul. However, the Lord protected David through it all. Even when it is affirmatively and clearly the Lord’s will that something should come to pass, the route there may not be straightforward. This should bring comfort. I love this quote: “God doesn't always make his will clear because he values us being transformed more than our being informed in order that we will be conformed into the image of Jesus” - Jon Bloom — even if it is the Lord's will to heal my mother, the path may not be straightforward. But praises that he helps us endure to the end. He will hold us fast!
Similarly, Nehemiah’s efforts to reconstruct the wall faced severe opposition and many setbacks; but the “good hand of God” protected and helped them. When the wall was finished, Nehemiah ascribes credit to the Lord: “this work had been accomplished with the help of our God.” Must have been easy in the face of opposition to question God's care and mercy before then though.
The Lord is compassionate and merciful. In James 5:11, we read “behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.” We know that God defines what love is, He is love. 1 John 4:8. He is full of mercy and lovingkindness. Previously, a lot of my thinking had been “wow God, could you just be merciful? It would be nice if you...uhh showed some mercy. Can’t you see how much she’s suffering? Would be nice if you... finally healed my mom.” It is extremely humbling (and comforting at the same time) to be reminded that God loves my mom more than I do! I know I can never put God on the hook. He doesn’t owe me anything. My posture in prayer has changed from being self-entitled and indignant to begging God to heal. I pray that God's definition of mercy and love (which are way more profound and deeper than mine - God's ways are higher than ours) contemplates and includes within it my mom’s complete bodily healing in this life and her ability to see many of the earthly joys she looked forward to before she was sick (e.g. grandchildren, seeing me graduate law school) in her lifetime.
Israelites and Egypt. The Israelites witnessed all these amazing signs and wonders- the plagues, the splitting of the Red Sea, etc. But then they grumbled because they forgot their miraculous deliverance by their God. They wanted to go back into bondage in Egypt. Even though the Lord had been providing them food and direction every single day!!! — It is so easy to forget like the Israelites and get discouraged by the results of the CT enterography today- but let’s not forget all the mercies of the Lord up till now - including today alone — how the Lord helped my mother drink TWO WHOLE LITERS of fluid and not throw up — she had previously not even been able to eat a single ice cube or have a sip of water without throwing up! The Lord helped her just earlier today, even to be able to get these results in the first place. Not to mention, he has been blessing her with good rest almost every night during her stay at the hospital — which was not the case before she entered the hospital two weeks ago! So even though there are different challenges each day, God's mercies are new and sufficient to carry my mom through each day for his glory! Thanks be to God!
Elijah. Mom had told me awhile back that she felt like there was no more purpose in her life - that she got through one day only to suffer the next. It is comforting to know that a man of great faith Elijah also struggled with this sadness and lost his will to live —and right after showing up all the Baal prophets and praying successfully for rain after a 3.5 year drought too!! God responded to Elijah by raining down fire on the altar whereas the Baal prophets cut themselves to get Baal to respond (in vain). Elijah had just witnessed the Lord’s might and direct response first-hand. Yet when Jezebel sought to kill him, he fled to the wildness and “asked that he might die, saying, ‘It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.’” (1 Kings 19:4). But instead of dying, Elijah was urged by an angel to eat the bread and water that miraculously appeared next to his head. And when Elijah finally met with God directly and stated his complaint: “I have been very jealous for the LORD, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away." (1 Kings 19:10), the Lord said in response: "Go, return on your way to the wilderness of Damascus. And when you arrive, you shall anoint Hazael to be king over Syria. And Jehu the son of Nimshi you shall anoint to be king over Israel, and Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel-meholah you shall anoint to be prophet in your place.” (1 Kings 19:15-16). Basically, even though Elijah begged to die, the purpose of his life was not over so he couldn’t. He had to keep eating his bread and water and then complete the tasks the Lord still had left for him. We have to remember that every day mom is alive, she is alive for a reason- she is being sustained to glorify God and has a purpose. I remind her of this too.
Prayer - Sometimes I feel a little discouraged in my praying — a little battered and bruised. Like how much effect am I having? Then I have to remind myself that God delights in our prayer and He does listen! Luke 18 is the parable of the persistent widow - widow keeps going to a judge and pestering him to help. Even if the judge was unjust, he would still give her what he wants to get rid of her. (“For a while he refused, but afterward he said to himself, 'Though I neither fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will give her justice, so that she will not beat me down by her continual coming.’ And the Lord said, ‘Hear what the unrighteous judge says. And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them?’” - Luke 18:4-7) Let us not grow weary in praying to the Lord!!!
Moreover, the Lord works with us — and He works with us through our prayers! In Genesis 18, God turned his wrath away from Sodom because of Abraham’s petition on their behalf. In 2 Kings 20, the Lord healed King Hezekiah and extended his life. Hezekiah has been “ill and was at the point of death.” Isaiah had told him: “This is what the LORD says: Put your house in order, because you are going to die; you will not recover." But then Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD: “Remember, O LORD, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in your eyes." Ultimately, the Lord changed his mind: (to Isaiah) “Go back and tell Hezekiah, the leader of my people, `This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you.”
Similarly, Nehemiah’s efforts to reconstruct the wall faced severe opposition and many setbacks; but the “good hand of God” protected and helped them. When the wall was finished, Nehemiah ascribes credit to the Lord: “this work had been accomplished with the help of our God.” Must have been easy in the face of opposition to question God's care and mercy before then though.
The Lord is compassionate and merciful. In James 5:11, we read “behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.” We know that God defines what love is, He is love. 1 John 4:8. He is full of mercy and lovingkindness. Previously, a lot of my thinking had been “wow God, could you just be merciful? It would be nice if you...uhh showed some mercy. Can’t you see how much she’s suffering? Would be nice if you... finally healed my mom.” It is extremely humbling (and comforting at the same time) to be reminded that God loves my mom more than I do! I know I can never put God on the hook. He doesn’t owe me anything. My posture in prayer has changed from being self-entitled and indignant to begging God to heal. I pray that God's definition of mercy and love (which are way more profound and deeper than mine - God's ways are higher than ours) contemplates and includes within it my mom’s complete bodily healing in this life and her ability to see many of the earthly joys she looked forward to before she was sick (e.g. grandchildren, seeing me graduate law school) in her lifetime.
- Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16). Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones (Isaiah 49:13)
Israelites and Egypt. The Israelites witnessed all these amazing signs and wonders- the plagues, the splitting of the Red Sea, etc. But then they grumbled because they forgot their miraculous deliverance by their God. They wanted to go back into bondage in Egypt. Even though the Lord had been providing them food and direction every single day!!! — It is so easy to forget like the Israelites and get discouraged by the results of the CT enterography today- but let’s not forget all the mercies of the Lord up till now - including today alone — how the Lord helped my mother drink TWO WHOLE LITERS of fluid and not throw up — she had previously not even been able to eat a single ice cube or have a sip of water without throwing up! The Lord helped her just earlier today, even to be able to get these results in the first place. Not to mention, he has been blessing her with good rest almost every night during her stay at the hospital — which was not the case before she entered the hospital two weeks ago! So even though there are different challenges each day, God's mercies are new and sufficient to carry my mom through each day for his glory! Thanks be to God!
Elijah. Mom had told me awhile back that she felt like there was no more purpose in her life - that she got through one day only to suffer the next. It is comforting to know that a man of great faith Elijah also struggled with this sadness and lost his will to live —and right after showing up all the Baal prophets and praying successfully for rain after a 3.5 year drought too!! God responded to Elijah by raining down fire on the altar whereas the Baal prophets cut themselves to get Baal to respond (in vain). Elijah had just witnessed the Lord’s might and direct response first-hand. Yet when Jezebel sought to kill him, he fled to the wildness and “asked that he might die, saying, ‘It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.’” (1 Kings 19:4). But instead of dying, Elijah was urged by an angel to eat the bread and water that miraculously appeared next to his head. And when Elijah finally met with God directly and stated his complaint: “I have been very jealous for the LORD, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away." (1 Kings 19:10), the Lord said in response: "Go, return on your way to the wilderness of Damascus. And when you arrive, you shall anoint Hazael to be king over Syria. And Jehu the son of Nimshi you shall anoint to be king over Israel, and Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel-meholah you shall anoint to be prophet in your place.” (1 Kings 19:15-16). Basically, even though Elijah begged to die, the purpose of his life was not over so he couldn’t. He had to keep eating his bread and water and then complete the tasks the Lord still had left for him. We have to remember that every day mom is alive, she is alive for a reason- she is being sustained to glorify God and has a purpose. I remind her of this too.
Prayer - Sometimes I feel a little discouraged in my praying — a little battered and bruised. Like how much effect am I having? Then I have to remind myself that God delights in our prayer and He does listen! Luke 18 is the parable of the persistent widow - widow keeps going to a judge and pestering him to help. Even if the judge was unjust, he would still give her what he wants to get rid of her. (“For a while he refused, but afterward he said to himself, 'Though I neither fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will give her justice, so that she will not beat me down by her continual coming.’ And the Lord said, ‘Hear what the unrighteous judge says. And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them?’” - Luke 18:4-7) Let us not grow weary in praying to the Lord!!!
Moreover, the Lord works with us — and He works with us through our prayers! In Genesis 18, God turned his wrath away from Sodom because of Abraham’s petition on their behalf. In 2 Kings 20, the Lord healed King Hezekiah and extended his life. Hezekiah has been “ill and was at the point of death.” Isaiah had told him: “This is what the LORD says: Put your house in order, because you are going to die; you will not recover." But then Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD: “Remember, O LORD, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in your eyes." Ultimately, the Lord changed his mind: (to Isaiah) “Go back and tell Hezekiah, the leader of my people, `This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you.”
Comments
Post a Comment