Heart Musings

Even though the Lord wanted David to become king, his path to kingship was far from straightforward or easy. Saul pursued David for the longest time, trying to kill him. And David was constantly fleeing from Saul. However, the Lord protected David through it all. Even when it is affirmatively and clearly the Lord’s will that something should come to pass, the route there may not be straightforward. This should bring comfort. I love this quote: “God doesn't always make his will clear because he values us being transformed more than our being informed in order that we will be conformed into the image of Jesus” - Jon Bloom — even if it is the Lord's will to heal my mother, the path may not be straightforward. But praises that he helps us endure to the end. He will hold us fast! Similarly, Nehemiah’s efforts to reconstruct the wall faced severe opposition and many setbacks; but the “good hand of God” protected and helped them. When the wall was finished, Nehemiah ascribes credit ...

"Tests turn to testimonies, and I must lean on God in these times." When you weave, you thread up and down. That up and down motion of weaving is kinda like life, because there are hills and valleys. Often it requires hindsight and some removal away to be able to appreciate what all those hills and valleys/"threading up and down" was amounting to. 

Logging back on after a long hiatus to post some thoughts. My grandpa died yesterday, and it's hit my mom's side of the family extremely hard. I didn't really get to know my grandpa that well, so I feel somewhat removed from the grief. He lived in California, and I visited my grandparents infrequently, growing up. Of course, I know my grandpa in the sense that I could recognize him in a crowd, but I don't  really  know him. My cousins, on the other hand, know him very well. He used to walk both of them to school each day. My mom said they were weeping bitterly at the hospital when they pulled him off the tubes.  My grief feels impersonal, and I honestly hate that. It wasn't until this afternoon, during my lunch break at the office when a cheeky older coworker asked me why I was glued to my phone (cue millennial jokes), that I burst into tears and told her I was searching for flights to California to attend my grandpa's funeral.  So when I got the text fr...

"It's not a good day, even if I was happy, productive, and comfortable, if I didn't think of God once during the day." Good point. But what happens when you have many good days and then end up worrying God will end that goodness? Life is pretty rosy right now. But when things are going well, I sometimes find myself worrying when things will start going downhill. Doubt comes first as a small voice "This happy time in your life couldn't possibly last forever." Insists on settling down like a rude, unwanted house guest. Contaminates thoughts like a wretched, inconsolable child flinging half-rotten meatloaf at a pastel-colored wall. Matures into destruction of joy. The thoughts are hideous. They punctuate and pollute objectively good seasons of abundance. And they are particularly pernicious because disbelief lies at their core. Come to think of it,  they're essentially blasphemous: They question God's goodness. They say, "God's not...

"When you are full to the brim, you will spill when bumped. What do people feel: acid or grace?" - John Piper  Reposting an  Instagram  caption:  The language that comes out of a heart that doesn’t hope in God will not impart grace to those who hear. How can you make your mouth a means of grace for others when you don’t hope in the grace of God for yourself? It is out of hopeless hearts of discouragement and frustration and anger and bitterness and resentment that all rotten and hurtful language comes.⠀ But if you as a believer stop and think for a moment that Christ has died for your sin, that God has promised to work all things together for your good, that he has given you his own Holy Spirit for the specific purpose of sealing you for the day of redemption, then surely a deep and confident hope will be the root of your life. And up through that root will flow the sap of grace, and out onto the branches of your life will come the fruit of a whole new way...

I'm reading through Acts right now. First, I just wanted to say how much I appreciate Luke's detailed narration which reads somewhat like a history textbook. Again, this goes back to the narrative integrity of Scripture instilling confidence in my heart of the Bible's veracity -- something I wrote about earlier. Second, I am challenged by Paul's single-minded devotion to proclaiming the Gospel, despite assurances of persecution. In Acts 20, he says, "I am going to Jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me." Similarly, in Acts 21, Agabus prophesies by the Holy Spirit that the Jews "will bind the man who owns this belt [Paul] and deliver him into the hands of the Gentiles." When the people urge Paul not to go to Jerusalem, Paul responds "What are you doing, weeping and breaking my heart? For I am ready not...

I complained about Christian truisms in an earlier post. Upon further reflection, I've come to recognize the hardness of my heart. Perhaps there is a good reason why certain sayings become truisms in the first place. Perhaps sentiments like "God is in control, He's got you" or "Let go, let God" or "Everything happens for a reason. All things, including your suffering, work for your good and God's glory" are frequently proclaimed within the Christian community precisely for their ability to succinctly express profound theological truths . Their ubiquity does not negate their legitimacy. They stem from real feelings borne out of personal experiences of divine love and mercy. They too were once precious, comforting truths I fondly cherished.  When I first came across each of the sayings above, I marveled at their pithiness and theological depth. The truth embodied in these truisms stirred my heart to joyful praise. For example, when I first...

First, I wanted to give a plug for the podcasts that keep me informed and entertained during the week. I listen to NPR Up First every morning while getting dressed (~10-15 min. summary of daily news.) In the shower, I listen to Albert Mohler's The Briefing that analyzes that daily news from a Christian perspective. When doing errands on the weekend, I listen to Happy Hour and That Sounds Fun (Christian girl talk).  "Codi, here's what I've decided: the very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right inside it, under its roof. What I want is so simple I almost can't say it: elementary kindness . [...] Right now I'm living in that hope, running down its hallway and touching the walls on both sides. " - Animal Dreams  by Barbara Kingsolver. [credit to Joy C. for sharing] "Hopeless grief says, I have lost the only thing that makes life ...

To have an ever-increasing sense that I am being kept by and for God; to patiently "climb up to my watchtower and stand at my guardpost" and "wait to see what the LORD says and how he will answer my complaint" [Habakkuk 2:1]; to not belittle the input and counsel of those around me, but to welcome and even pursue it; to faithfully "serve the purposes of God in [my] own generation" [Acts 13:36]; to live in constant, conscious awareness that I am in the presence of an awesome God "who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy" [Isa. 57:15], which is a place of abundance, soul-satisfying pure delight, and "fullness of joy" [Ps. 17:11]; to pursue what "makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding" [Rom. 14:19]; to be godly with contentment [1 Tim. 6:6]; to "show perfect courtesy toward all people" [Titus 3:2]; to make God known to a world that is starved for true beauty; to have inexorable confidence ...

Christian truisms really annoy me. (Here is me coming clean and admitting my hypocrisy. Despite my best efforts, I'm certain I've written posts that come off as trite and uninspiring.) A chief offender is the word "calling." Christians (and I'm sure I'm guilty) love throwing this word around. I think Bethany Jenkins offers a really refreshing take . Lightly edited excerpt below:  As a Christian, whether I’m called to be a pianist or a writer is incidental to my main vocation—to be a child of God. When the Scriptures speak of “calling,” they mainly speak of our fundamental call to know Christ.  There are at least 51 uses of the word “calling” in the New Testament. Forty-six refer to becoming a Christian (e.g., Rom. 1:7 ), and four to living a holy or peaceful life (e.g., 1 Pet. 1:15 ). In just one case ( 1 Cor. 7:20 ), it’s used to speak of the station for which we have been appointed. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul explains that people are called to various ...

Overspiritualizing is the worst. Overspiritualizing tries to make something more than what is really there. Forgive me as I self-righteously whine. All of the grumbling that follows probably just reveals my own sinful and prideful heart. I guess I'm miffed at how I can't tell a certain friend about what's going on in my life, without her invariably dumping all this "admonition from Scripture" on me. I get it, you know your Bible well. But when it happens almost every single time I talk to you, it makes me not want to tell you what I'm feeling and struggling with. Like if I tell you about the people I'm working with on the Graduate Student Council, how is a lecture on how nonbelievers have different priorities in life suddenly relevant? Can't we just have a "normal" conversation? To be sure, I'm grateful for friends who are steeped in the word of God, this one included. She's well-intentioned and cares for me. Still, sometimes the best...

My mom's either clueless or brazen. Last Christmas, my mom marched up to a young lady to ask if she was pregnant (and was right!....thank goodness). Not too long ago, she tried to set up a guy at church with my good friend. (The guy ended up texting me to tell me that he was actually dating someone already, and we both got a good laugh out of my mom's "silliness.") My mom's definitely a special ❄. Fortunately for my mom, she usually gets away with her shenanigans. But one area that brought me particular chagrin and embarrassment, growing up, was her insistence on evangelizing my friends and their parents. In eleventh grade, my mom invited my agnostic high school friend to poetry night at my church. I still remember his sister standing in the parking lot, interrogating her brother where he would be going and frowning with skepticism. In twelfth grade, my mom emphatically shoved Christian reading materials at my Quiz Bowl teammate's mom. My mom tried to te...

I love the concurrent depiction of human responsibility and divine sovereignty in Nehemiah. The Jews exercised a balance between faith and readiness. Though armed, vigilant, and prepared, Nehemiah and the people consistently petitioned God and attributed their victories and construction success to His sovereign protection and provision.  They not only prayed, but also   "set a guard as a protection against them day and night." [Neh. 4:6]. Nehemiah recounts, "When our enemies heard that it was known to us and that God had frustrated their plan , we all returned to the wall, each to to his work. From that day on, half of my servants worked on construction, and half held the spears, shields, bows, and coats of mail ." [Neh. 4:15-16]. When the wall is finished, Nehemiah gives God the glory -- and not just Nehemiah, but also the surrounding nations: "So the wall was finished . . . when all our enemies heard of it, all the nations around us were afraid and fell great...

Stuff from this week, fave parts quoted below:  “If God answered all your prayers, would anyone’s life but yours be any different? . . . It’s hard to wallow in self-pity about the size of your own platform if you’re busy building someone else’s.” Read more  here . Read  Achieve or Die: Reflections on ‘Free Solo’ .  This second article talks about Alex Honnold's attempt to become the first man to free solo El Capitan, a 3,000-foot precipice. The author reflects after watching the film documenting the feat. "It’s painful to watch a man who stupefies us with his climbing career struggle to relate to those who love him—even to the point of viewing relationships as a distraction from climbing. But while we might lament Honnold’s childhood and even empathize with his relational difficulties, we leave the theater more moved by his achievement than troubled by his personal life. Our performance culture gives us permission to clap and cheer for this man’s...

In 1 Kings 18, Elijah rebukes the people “How long will you go limping between two different opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him; but if Baal, then follow him.” The people did not answer him a word. This happened at a time when Elijah was the only prophet of the Lord left, whereas Baal's prophets numbered 450 men. (Shortly thereafter, God demonstrates His power and rains fire down upon the altar.) Consider:  How can we " run with perseverance the race marked out for us" [Heb. 12] if we keep  limping between our idols and the one true God? 

This is a difficult, complex issue to write about, but it has been on my mind for awhile now. My intention is not to stir up controversy, but to challenge everyone reading this, myself included. I can't possibly do the topic justice or cover all my bases in a short post, but here goes: The First Amendment forbids Congress from making laws "respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof." In short, the government may not promote a religion over others or restrict a person's religious practices. Americans may worship privately without fear of government intervention.  I believe with all my heart that separation of church and state as enshrined in the First Amendment is to be cherished and defended.  Religious liberty is crucial to maintaining the integrity and purity of  any  belief system.  Theocracies have historically heavily oppressed their people to force conformity. Religion has been used as a pretext fo...

A few female classmates and I recently discussed the totally uncontroversial topic of gender roles in the church. (What do Christian girls talk about on a six-hour car trip? Now you know! Ugh.) No deep or original thoughts of mine to share here, sorry folks — but my brother found this on the interwebz. Food for thought! Happy eating! 

As a law student, I do feel constant pressure to have an opinion on things. After all, the entire law school education literally revolves around reading opinions. But, judges typically develop their opinions after a thorough fact-finding process involving a disinterested jury, a body of precedent, zealous advocacy, and a robust framework of rights and procedures. In other words, conclusions in a court of law usually bear at least the appearance of propriety and rationality. Opinions rendered apart from truthful information and plagued by partiality of judges and juries would undermine the legitimacy of our judiciary. I love this article my brother shared with me, because it discusses how sometimes it is okay to admit not having an opinion if we truly don't know enough. Quoted Excerpt below: But knowing we live in a society enthralled by the spectacle—where public life, political causes, and civil debate are susceptible to widespread illusion, misinformation, and propaganda—me...

I came home drained. My day began with an 8:30 meeting and ended with Evidence class at 7:15. I ran into my roommate entering the apartment at the same time. We were both obviously super tired. We were comfortable enough with each other to admit (and show) our fatigue. We didn't have to pretend to be feeling something that wasn't true with where we were at in the moment. But, we were still kind and respectful enough to not let our stress or exhaustion devolve into (or justify) rudeness or passive aggression. Friendship is flexible. Friendship affords emotional honesty. I am so thankful for you, roommate.

Some stuff I read this week, that I absolutely loved: "If you're strong, be a protector. and if you're smart, be a humble influencer" - Chris Pratt. "[O]ur effort must be yoked to God’s purpose in order for it to bear fruit. Sin inspires us to build our own kingdoms; God commands us to advance his." Read more here . We should be like Paul: lavish in affirmation, direct in criticism. "What we want to see in others, and have in ourselves, is a kind of wholeness that can be blunt and forceful and corrective when necessary, but that also has a peaceful pattern of encouragement and affirmation and kindness." Read more here . "Biblical knowledge is far better than gold when it fuels our trust in God, because it fuels our intimacy with God. But when biblical knowledge replaces our trust in God, it only fuels our pride." Read more here . "The core of the gospel is that we have nothing, contribute nothing, bring nothing to God — we are...

God is not the author of confusion. He is a God of clarity, and peace. [Phil. 4:7]. But sometimes that clarity comes not in the form of affirmative yes's or no's, but wait and trust. Consider Nehemiah and the rebuilding of the wall. God affirmatively wanted that to happen, but allowed great opposition. Why? To cause humble reliance on Him. Let us consider it pure joy when we face trials of many kinds. [James 1:2].

I recently sat down with a parent who was grieving over her child's apathy towards the Gospel. I'm only 23, a grad student, and obviously not a parent. No amount of surmising or pretend empathy could enable me to fully grasp her disappointment or sorrow. But I do think that Scripture offers a realistic and comforting perspective on parenting and perhaps evangelism, more generally. When you look at the kings of Israel and Judah , you see really good, righteous kings who have terrible, wicked sons, and vice versa! The most parents can do is to raise their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord [Eph. 6], and then trust God to regenerate their hearts. [John 6]. Be faithful, and leave the rest to God.

I love the narrative integrity of Scripture. It is blunt. It is realistic about sin. It is candid about suffering. It is brutally honest about the people of God failing. It features flawed protagonists who are completely dependent on God's grace (e.g. King David, a man after God's own heart, plots murder to cover up his adultery). It talks about God repeatedly pursuing a people who can't even remember Him. It talks about a wayward people who keep returning to their idols but are somehow still first in God's heart. It includes so many "unnecessary" details that give me confidence in its veracity. It tells me the number of pomegranates carved into the pillars of the temple [1 Kings 7], or that a young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment, was following Jesus but runs away naked after being seized [Mark 13]. It details the genealogy of Jesus with painstaking precision [Matt. 1]. It records events that someone would not think to make up: "Even after Jesu...

A genuine saving faith should be a testimony of faith that is active this very day. I think a good way of understanding Paul’s exhortation to “confirm our calling and election” is Paul's shipwreck in Acts. Paul had direct revelation and promise from God that everyone on the boat would live. [Acts 27:23. “Last night an angel of the God to whom I belong and whom I serve stood beside me 24 and said, ‘Do not be afraid, Paul. You must stand trial before Caesar; and God has graciously given you the lives of all who sail with you.’ So keep up your courage, men, for I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me.”] Yet, Paul still exhorts the sailors who are trying to escape on the lifeboat that they must stay if they are to survive. [30 In an attempt to escape from the ship, the sailors let the lifeboat down into the sea, pretending they were going to lower some anchors from the bow. 31 Then Paul said to the centurion and the soldiers, “Unless these men stay with the ship, ...

I was really frustrated with a good friend for not making time for me. I knew that she was very busy studying for finals. I knew that she had not done well earlier in the quarter, and was struggling to stay afloat in her classes. I knew she was not intentionally brushing me off. But I was bitter at what I felt was unreciprocated effort. I begrudged her for not prioritizing spending time with me, even though she was really just being a responsible student. I was even more annoyed, given that she was about to graduate in a few weeks. I felt like I was always the one reaching out to make plans to hang out in the remaining short time, even though I was extremely busy myself at the time. I was juggling five classes, leading three organizations at the law school, on the board of a journal, and serving on the Graduate Student Council myself. If I could find time to hang out, why couldn't she? My self-righteous frustration led me speak harsh words the day before she left. I regret my words...

Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were thrown in a fiery furnace because they refused to worship the gold statute King Nebuchadnezzar built. God did not deliver them from the furnace. But He was with them, literally in the furnace  with them. Trials in life will come. God does not promise a life of comfort. One need only consider how 11 of 12 apostles were martyred to understand the costliness of following Christ. But come what may, God will never leave or forsake us. [Hebrews 13:5]. He is with us, until the end of the age. [Matt. 28:20].

"The times that we are living in are not a distraction from the Gospel, they are an open door for the Gospel." There is a huge temptation in Silicon Valley to sacrifice your health, community, happiness, your very life, on the altar of self-advancement. But does this make sense? The max I could ever live on this earth is 100 years. And when I die, what happens to my car, my house, my bank account? What matters in the end is how faithful I was in living the days given me. What ultimately remains is how I honored God with my life. Help me not waste my life collecting things. My legacy is the how I advanced the kingdom of God and bore fruit to His glory. Lord, in my limited time, let me know You and Your character more. I will praise You // whatever comes my way // You have taught me to say //Amen, let Your kingdom come.  Tim Keller says this, "So many of our deepest longings to succeed are really just ways to be for ourselves what Christ should be for us. Really we are say...

"How many people are not being cared for because of subtext?" - Carra, speaking about how perceived awkwardness and pride inhibit cross-gender friendship.

God calls us to be faithful in the here and now. Daniel was a Jew taken captive by the Babylonian king Nebuchadnezzar. God blessed Daniel with wisdom and understanding so that Daniel was "ten times better than all the magicians and enchanters in his whole kingdom." [Daniel 1]. Because of Daniel's God-given ability to interpret the king's dreams, the king ultimately "placed Daniel in a high position and lavished many gifts on him" and "made him ruler over the entire province of Babylon and placed him in charge of all its wise men." [Daniel 2]. Daniel 5:11 states that "Nebuchadnezzar, appointed him chief of the magicians, enchanters, astrologers and diviners." As Chief of the Magi, Daniel was able to teach the Magi what signs to look for to know when Christ would come. More than five hundred years later, the Magi traveled over a thousand miles from the east to Jerusalem, searching for Jesus, saying "Where is the one who has been born k...

Could my perceived awkwardness of an interaction stem from an obsession with self (self-consciousness is the euphemism). Worrying about not carrying myself the right way. Wondering what others think of me. I start thinking of interesting rejoinders or what I'll say next to keep the conversation going. Because the worst thing would be for conversation to stall, right? Instead of intently listening, I end up waiting to talk. It's not that I'm not sincere. But despite my best intentions, I am not fully present. I'm praying for self-forgetfulness this year.

Thank you for just being with me and listening to me. You sat and grieved with me in silence. You showed compassion when I wasn't lovely or deserving. Instead of getting annoyed at my rambling and turning me away, you lamented with me. You willingly got into the pit with me, in solidarity, instead of yelling at me to climb out. When you spoke to me, your words built me up, gave grace, and were fitting [Eph. 4:29]. And you were not afraid to admonish me when I went out of line. Your rebukes were timely, your wounds faithful [Prov. 27:6]. Thank you, dear friend.

Just a few things that I am so thankful for: flexibility to choose my classes and professors; rosemary shortbread cookies; Face-Timing my supportive brother over breakfast; solid preaching at church; dedicated, loyal, and pragmatic friends; spicy hot Cheetos; a faithful mother; freedom to worship publicly; opportunities to speak truth into others' lives; an amicable roommate; free law school lunches; podcasts while showering; classmates I actually enjoy being around; Abby the labrador retriever; too many friends and not enough time to spend with them; the sufficiency of Christ; God's love and pursuit of me.

Dear sweet friend, I just want to know what an encouragement you are to me. Thank you for making my heart so glad. Your life is really hard and full of sickness and intense bodily suffering. Your doctors are trying to figure out what is wrong with you, and you're taking this quarter off to rest. But you on your sickbed gives God so much more glory than me in my health. Your joy is palpable and infectious, and it is costly and deliberate. Thank you for showing me what it looks like to depend on God. You are living out to others what it means to number our days, that we may have a heart of wisdom. [Psalm 90:12].

You were a cute stranger I did not know. You were not my friend. But I liked the idea of you. I day-dreamed so much about us dancing in the rain, I ultimately got trench foot

"Jesus was delivered up according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of God, and was crucified and killed by the hands of lawless men." [Acts 2:23]. "[F]or truly in this city there were gathered together against your holy servant Jesus, whom you anointed, both Herod and Pontius Pilate, along with the Gentiles and the peoples of Israel, to do whatever your hand and your plan had predestined to take place." [Acts 4:27-28]. I love how these verses highlight God's sovereignty, and how He will use unwitting, sinful men to accomplish His perfect will. God is never blindsided.

God is always pursuing us first. He leads the Israelites out of bondage in Egypt before He gives them the Ten Commandments. Jesus dies on the cross for our sin and is our Savior, before He also becomes our Lord. God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us [Rom. 5:8]. I had no hope that You would own a rebel to Your will // And if You had not loved me first, I would refuse You still.

In the past, I let my hurt feelings affect intimacy with my Father. I let the wrongs others committed against me make me bitter towards others and God. Then, I realized the real culprit actually deserving of my hatred and resentment is Satan. Satan tried to use my pain to prevent me from drawing near to God. But God never was the one at fault. How inscrutable are His ways, how unsearchable are His judgments. Now, I know better. I am a child of God. I am a coheir with Christ, chosen in Him from the foundation of the world. Seated with him in the heavenly places. In Him, all the promises of God for me are yes in Christ Jesus. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.

Paul prays that our love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that we may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God [Philippians 1]. I love that Paul doesn't want us to stay the same. He wants us to get better. And he wants our love to be contemporaneous with and informed by wisdom. It's not blind love, it's love that understands and perceives. All for God's glory.

If you were a soldier going out to battle, it would be laughable to go in without armor. So too, before we step into the battle of life each morning, we should strive to put on our breastplates of righteousness, shields of faith, helmets of salvation, belts of truth, shoes of the Gospel of peace, and swords of Spirit before we head out the door. [Eph. 6] Really a note to self to start my day by reading my Bible :P

As brothers and sisters in Christ, let us be eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace [Eph. 4:3]. But Christian unity does not come at the expense of the Gospel. Christ prays for the Father to bless his blood-bought people "sanctify them by the truth" - he petitions to the Father in John 17:17. There is NO unity, no sanctification, no hope outside the truth. Similarly, the apostle Paul grounds unity in the truth. So too in 2 John, it is the truth that is binding the faithful children of God, keeping them safe from deceivers who peel off the sheep and divide the body. Let us not compromise the Gospel. Let us defend it, with sincere hearts, at all costs.

I was completely convinced this was God's will. But in reality, I had willingly fooled myself into believing my idol was what God wanted for me. God will not allow another beside Him. I ultimately did not get the idol I thought was in God's will. The passing of time proved the deceit in my heart. Let my will align with Yours, Lord. Help me want what You want. Help me guard my heart, for from it flow the springs of life [Proverbs 4:23]

Feeling stressed doesn't mean I'm working any harder. Let me remind myself: He is God, and there is none like Him, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, “My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose.” [Isaiah 46:10]. My anxiety and effort could never frustrate God's sovereign will.

Good works are not the root of our salvation. Jesus is the root of our salvation, that helps us bear the fruit of good works. Help me bear fruit in keeping with repentance. [Luke 3:8]. Help me abide in You, as You in I. [John 15:4]

I had vigorously fought my way through the brambles, ignoring all signs that this was the wrong path. I had come so far, how could I turn back now? My legs were scraped, my heart desperately lonely, my head hung low in defeat. I was parched and suffocating in the dust. The road sign had said self-fulfillment ahead. Blindly giddy, I had fought my way to what ended up being a grave. I wanted it my way, but in the end Jesus turned out to be the way, the truth, and the life. [John 14:6]

Graduated from MIT. Got into Stanford Law School. Landed my dream job in my dream city. Found a loving church community. Fed. Wrapped in amazing friendships. Empowered to share the Gospel. Jesus is my message. He's my hope in my suffering. There is no greater message. I have been filled up to be poured out for those around me. Y et not I, but the grace of God that was with me. [1 Cor. 15:10] 

Religion says, finish the work. The Gospel says, receive the finished work In the beauty of the world, we are to see God's existence. In the brokenness of the world, we are to see God's justice. As we do, we run back to the place where we see God's mercy: the cross. Religion stresses holiness over grace. Irreligion stresses freedom over holiness. Christianity is freedom through grace that leads to holiness. Religion makes us proud of what we have done. The Gospel makes us proud of what Jesus has done.

Far be it from me to think that God needs me. God is never at the mercy of my fickle feelings or foolish pride. He doesn't need me - If I refuse to serve Him, He will just find another servant. If I refuse to praise Him, even the rocks will cry out in praise [Luke 19:40]

Too energetic. Too loud. Too intimidating. Too much. But not enough for you to want me. I was too much, yet not enough. I wanted you to love me. Ended up loving myself less. It took a year to heal from where the shards of my smashed idol had cut me

I went around restless, disturbed, and prowling for satisfaction in other things. I did not go home, even though I had a home. I declared myself homeless, even though You were inviting me to dwell with You. Help me stay where I belong. You keep her in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because she trusts in you. [Isaiah 26:3]

You called me to Yourself. I became a daughter of the Ancient of Days. I was set on discovering the layers of Your character. Peeling You changed my life. I cried, but You keep my tears stored in a bottle [Psalm 56:8]